Martin's story

Having experientially questioned the idea that my type of bipolar 1 should even described as bipolar at the turn of the millenium, I was encouraged to develop my own reasoning which culminated in this poem. At which point I feel I have to make it clear that paranoia is not the same as anxiety.

(Epileptiform) Quadripolar by Martin Hall
[ 22/01/2013 ]

It's that quadripolar disorder

That's just gnawing at my brain.
Just that quadripolar disorder...
Content to make me... 'insane'!

From mania's to depression's extremities -
A bipolar continuum itself;
From the extremities of paranoia
To hardwired survival instinct, it's ...
A bipolar continuum, too;
They link together entwined
In three-dimensional space...
To form: quadripolar effective disorder!

It's such a disorder
That follows the laws of entropy.
It's such a strange disorder
Sometimes I can't even make a cup...
Of tea.

But, perhaps, it's just manic-depression
That's eating up the brain;
Just manic-depression
Content to make me 'insane'!

Gonna write me a thesis
To prove it's all wrong;
Gonna write me a thesis
To prove it's all wrong.
But it's all just philosophy,
At the end of the day.
It's all just philosophy...
Come what may.
With all its states of consciousness
Who needs  "mushroom trips"?
I want it... I want it... or NOT...
Transluscent flames around
The edges of a psychiatric ward...
Rise pudding in the evening...
Serotonin sandwiches...
Largactil syrup dripped, intravenously...

Packed full of psycho- pharmaceuticals...
Like a walking pharmacy...
Still, her blonde hair turns grey.
Conversations with beautiful female psychiatrists -
One after another... after another... after another...
Mainly African and Japanese I recall...

Sent from other dimensions, by spiritually,
Technologically,
Much older civilisations than ours.
5.7x10 to the power twelve miles
Is only a light year.
Different ecologies exist out there
Incalculable distances away...
Where the guesstimated look-back time
Of 1.37x10 to the power ten light years -
When our universe...
APPARENTLY exploded from nothingness
SQUELCH into insignificance.
Beyond the dance of Einsteinean curved space,
Gravitational lenses, "Einstein Crosses"...
And that which can only be
Partially realized by a Zen Buddhist monk
Who stares at a wall for fourteen years,
Imitating the Buddha...
But only after lunch.

Those who speak do not know
And those who know do not speak -
And let the epileptiform spikes
Of quantum wave-icles
Dance in the light by the fire.
The Cosmic Microwave Background radiation,
By the logs that you burn in your sojourn;
OUR sojourn in the night...
Of endlessness.

Wherein quadripolar becomes
Quadripolar in space-time -
Just anything to give us a lifeline -
When we are alone,
In a seething sea of nothingness;
Isolated and in a state of absurdity...
Rhythms, biorhythms, logarithms...
Playing to abstraction,
Over-reaction... and...

We sit there talking to 'hallucinations'...
Adapted to our Central Nervous Systems
By advanced life forms in the cosmos,
MAYBE.
Projected , at the speed of thought -
Incalculably faster than Einsteinean E=MC squared.
Conversations with beautiful female psychiatrists
Mainly African and Japanese, I recall.
(Flown in from across the globe, I thought,
Just to assess me...
One after another... after another... after another...

Or ...
Sent from other dimensions by
Spiritually, technologically,
Much older civilisations than ours.
5.7x10 to the power twelve miles is only...
A light year.
5.7x10 to the power twelve miles is only...
A light year;
Five trillion and seven hundred billion miles...
Just a light year.
Not even the 'width' of a proton In the bubbling barrel of beer -
That is our local universe,
As other universes may...
Burst and 'pop' in the Multiverse!